Top Five Experiences of 2018 (so far...)

My girl Tizzy and I pose after camp ends. 

5: Easter Camp

My current position does not put me in direct contact with kids nearly often enough anymore. As a result, doing Community Camp over Easter weekend was one of my favorite moments of the whole year. We had nearly one hundred children for four days and it was so much fun to interact with and observe them as they participated in ropes course, life skills sessions, and a talent show. Equally inspiring was getting to work with such incredible camp staff and volunteers. I love getting to watch these amazing professionals model incredible youth development skills and I love building strong friendships with them. 

Kayaking in Mozambique

4: Mozambique

In February, my friend Katie and I went on my last big Peace Corps vacation: Tofo, Mozambique. Our prime reason for picking this spot was that it is one of the best places to see whale sharks. It took us three days of travel to get there from Lesotho and we unfortunately did not get to see any whale sharks, however, the trip was still wonderful.

While Katie got scuba certified, I spent my days relaxing and walking on the beach, writing, wandering through the small beach town, and reading. It was the most peaceful and least demanding vacation I have ever enjoyed. Tofo Beach is truly stunning. I also took some time to bird nerd on a mangrove kayaking trip.

3: Herdboy Health Outreaches

My host organization has partnered with the District Health Management Teams in three districts in Lesotho to bring health services to herdboys in rural areas. Herdboys or balisana are a unique population in Lesotho.

They are marginalized from typical communities and social interactions through a lot of unfounded stereotypes. In my experience, most herders are wonderfully caring and friendly men-some young, some old. Due to stigma and discrimination, however, they also often live isolated lives and therefore do not get access to most government services including health care.

At the health outreach in Ha Popa, Thaba Tseka: beautiful views, a crazy bumpy ride in the truck with my colleagues,
the "road" we traveled, and a group of balisana that insisted we take pictures together. 

So far this year, we have done a handful of health outreaches to encourage balisana to get health care in the future. By bringing the services outside of the clinical setting, we have seen larger numbers of herders accessing medical tests including BMI, tuberculosis, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, and HIV testing services. Those that need additional follow up are being referred for additional medical care and the local clinics are following up to ensure that these services are received.

For me, these outreaches have also allowed me to get into more rural parts of Lesotho than I had previously visited. Our first outreach in Thaba Tseka involved a bumpy three-hour drive on something almost resembling a road to reach the village of Ha Popa. It was quite the adventure. The balisana there were so welcoming and fun to hang out with as they waited in line for their various health tests.

Grabbing a late lunch with my friend Pontso on a holiday.

2. Moments with Friends

This may sound like a generic cop out, but it is still true. Whether working or playing, I have had some of my favorite adventures with friends. The longer I live in Lesotho, the stronger my local friendships become and the more I cherish these relationships. The opportunities to catch up with friends over a meal or a football game is something I took for granted in the US. The reality is that making it happen between transportation challenges and rules that require I be home before dark make these moments much fewer and more precious.

With Rets'elisitsoe and his brother,
Ralethola (one of my best friends), after the
wedding. 

1. Weddings!!!

2018 has been the year for weddings. Every year I have been in Lesotho, I have attended a wedding or two. This year, however, I seem to be attending almost one per month!

First, there was my friend Rets’elisitsoe’s wedding in January. Here in Lesotho, the groom must be escorted into the church by a female family member. Due to some travel delays, Rets’elisitsoe’s cousin was running late and so he decided that I would  be his official escort and sit in the front row for the ceremony. It was an incredible honor to be quickly adopted into the family of two of my closest friends in country and to then participate in the wedding activities at his house the next day as well.

Then, a few weeks later, my friends Tori and Mpho-who married in America-returned to Lesotho for the traditional wedding ceremony that takes place with the groom’s family following a wedding. Tori completed her Peace Corps service in 2015, so the opportunity to catch up with her after more than 18 months and to be a part of this special day was truly wonderful. 

With Mpho and Tori at their wedding celebration in March

The third wedding I attended was in my community, but for the sister of someone I have known, respected, and adored for the entire time I have been in Lesotho. It was fun to hang out with the bridesmaids before the wedding, join the convoy of BMWs for the trip to and from the church, and help out with logistics and serving during the reception. 

With my dear friend Ototo at her sister's wedding in April

To keep up the wedding theme, I just returned from another friend's wedding. This one brought me out to Quthing, a district I hadn't visited before that is about three hours south of Maseru. Even better, I traveled and spent the day with some of my favorite guys in Lesotho. For once, I already knew both the bride and groom and am so glad that I was able to be there for their special day.

In Quthing with some of my favorite guys; Tlebele, Moseli, Ralethola, and Matseli. 

All smiles with the groom. 

My New Approach to Proposals

In the last few months, talk of my anticipated departure has monopolized conversations with community members. Although my cohort's scheduled close of service is still more than four months away, people have amusing reactions to the impending date. 

Some people react with shock, amazed like I am that two years can pass so quickly. 

Others, after not seeing me around for a week or so, greet me with relief and joy, thrilled to learn I have not yet departed.

Most tell me I am simply not allowed to return home for a few more years. 

Most surprising, however, is the huge number of people bringing up a topic previously ignored within my home community: my marital status. 

I noted in Love and Marriage that the guys in my village were well prepared for my arrival, the chief making it clear that I was not to be pursued. Similarly, when I first arrived, women would ask about a husband or children in American and then drop the subject when learning I have neither. 

Now, however, my marital status is a hot topic. Everyone wants me to marry. The women I work with insist I need to marry and stay in our community. Uncles, mothers, and grandparents of male friends offer to talk to my family in America to negotiate my bride price, as that is the responsibility of the family here in Lesotho. 

The other day, a man who regularly tells my brother that his in love with me—which has turned into quite the joke between them as Abuti Thabo heckles him whenever we cross his path—asked me if my husband had visited that morning. Although I understood his Sesotho, I was so confused I made him repeat himself, twice.

Apparently, the male driver of the Peace Corps car that had visited that morning is, or should be, my husband.

I can see the growth in my cultural understanding and acceptance. When I arrived, this focus on my husband (or lack thereof) would have frustrated me to no end. I spent my whole first year in Lesotho collecting stories of ridiculous pick up lines and women from outside my community insisting I would marry their son only minutes after telling me their sons all had wives.

When I wrote about my favorite pick up lines (See Love and Marriage, above) from the first year, I fully intended to do a follow up a year later with more gems. Now, I cannot even remember any from the last few weeks! It is not that men have stopped proposing, I simply stopped paying attention when they do. Instead of fixating on how dramatically their proposals and declarations offend my American culture, I have moved into full acceptance of their Basotho culture. I simply laugh and joke with them before moving on to less boring topics.

Similarly, as my community tries to marry me off before I finish my Peace Corps service, I am able to laugh, recognizing that they are not trying to control me or diminish my adventurous spirit. They are simply making it clear that they love me and that I truly belong. They do not want me to leave and the best way to keep me close is to have me settle down with a husband and children.

So I take the compliment with joy and continue to nicely refuse generous offers. 

Love and Marriage? My Top Five Pick Up Lines After a Year in Lesotho

Rocking the twins look with 'M'e Lineo-
black shirt and skinny jeans.

“When it comes to Basotho men and PCVs, you're the one I feel the worst for. I know how much you must get hit on because African men love curvy women. Add your Sesotho ability and your friendly personality and you are irresistible to men!” 'M'e Lineo (din-ay-o), another PCV's counterpart, said to me recently.

I do not feel the need to compare whether or not Lineo is right about me getting hit on more than the average female PCV in Lesotho. The reality is, we are all hit on...a lot. Basotho culture allows men to be more forward than American culture and as Americans we are considered particularly desirable. Being “curvy” is considered particularly attractive here as it implies one is wealthy enough to eat well and is healthy (being skinny is thought to denote diseases such as HIV).

As a result, it is quite common to hear things like:

“Kea u rata” (Kay-ya u rah-tah) or I love you.

“Ke batla u nyala” (Kay bah-tlah u knee-ya-la) or I want to marry you.

“Na, u na le monna?” (nah, u nah-lay moan-ah) or Do you have a husband?

“Ke tla u nyala” (Kay tlah u knee-ya-la) or I will marry you.

“U na le moklankana, kae?” (U nah-lay mow-clahnk-ah-na, kie?) or You have a boyfriend, where?

“Mosali oa ka...” (Mow-saw-dee wa caw) or My wife....

Having multiple concurrent partners or multiple wives is not uncommon, especially for men. (This is one of the reasons Lesotho's HIV rate is so high) I have also been told by my language tutor that people here believe that once women are in their thirties, they need to be having regular sex. As a result, it is simply incomprehensible that I do not need a man or men during my time living here.

Men constantly want to know if I have a boyfriend (always yes!*) and where he lives. If I say America-as I often did when I first arrived-they insist I need one here as well. If I say Lesotho, they ask where and then want to know if he is Mosotho or American. If he lives too far away or is American, I also need a Mosotho, the one I am talking to in particular. If he is Mosotho, I am told he probably has more girlfriends so I should have more boyfriends. When I have tried to explain that in America we have only one partner at a time or that we do not tell people we love them when it is only lust or interest, I am told I am in Lesotho now and need to live like the Basotho.

Thus navigating conversations with Basotho men can be tricky. Just as I do with all people, I aim for friendly and relaxed conversation, usually in Sesotho. Maybe twenty percent of the time, a man will try to steer the conversation towards marriage or sex, at which point I either pretend I do not understand or try to explain that I do not want a husband...or a boyfriend...or an overnight guest. Usually that ends the discussion but sometimes a man is more creative and more persistent.

While these men still do not get what they apparently want-me-I feel they should get some acknowledgement. So, here are the top five from the last year:

Number Five: A taxi drive spent the entire ride to town trying to convince me we should become involved. He ignored every reason I was turning him down, instead insisting that I would not give him a chance because he is African and I am white (As opposed to blowing him off for already being incapable of listening to me!). When we pulled up to a regular police traffic stop, he talked the police officer into telling me I had to be in a relationship with the driver!

Number Four: At a large event in a neighboring community, a drunk grandfather came over to demand I become his wife. I told him my bohali (bow-ha-dee or bride price) was two airplanes,** he scoffed and said I did not want planes but he would give my family two taxis instead. He then told me it was time for us to go home together. Apparently, in addition to not being worth the planes, I was also not worth a daytime wedding, just a night marriage. This is a less formal wedding with no ceremony or party. By publicly staying together overnight, a couple is considered married.

Number Three: I got a lift with three men and the driver was insistent that he wanted “the sexual relationship with” me. Admittedly his honesty was unusual and refreshing. When I made it clear I had a boyfriend* and do not believe in multiple partners, he insisted I should have clandestine sex with him for a month to make sure sticking with my current boyfriend was the right choice.

Number Two: At the taxi rank, a man tried to get me to come over to his taxi. When I shook my head, he came to me clearly wearing eau de beer. “Ausi,” he said, “did you know the Bible says a man should have seven wives? I only have six wives because God has been saving you to be my seventh!”

And the winner! Number One: As I explained to a group of women and one man why I do not want to marry, the one man chimed in. “I hear what you are saying about not wanting a husband, so I will give you what you really want: a child. I will make a baby with you and then give you money to take care of it.”

As entertaining as these creative and persistent individuals are, I have been equally amazed when completely honest comments of mine have stopped a man in his tracks.

• A nice guy from my village and I were chatting when he asked my age. Upon learning I am three years older than he, he said, “Oh never mind, I cannot marry you because you are too old for me.”
• A man in town stopped me for the second time that day. As I told him I had to hurry to get my taxi home, he asked what I was doing the next day. I replied I would be at church. He immediately dropped my hand, stating that he could not believe I was one of those girls!

I feel the need to stress that most Basotho men are very kind, wonderful, respectful men. I have had many productive and positive interactions with men around the country. At the same time, turning down marriage offers is a regular part of my daily life and too funny not to share!

*Sorry, Aunt Betsy, do not get excited about my boyfriend comments. I use that excuse a lot. This is by no means a wedding announcement!

**Witty comment borrowed from Lesotho RPCV Ann S