In the last few months, talk of my anticipated departure has
monopolized conversations with community members. Although my cohort's
scheduled close of service is still more than four months away, people have
amusing reactions to the impending date.
Some people react with shock, amazed like I am that two years can
pass so quickly.
Others, after not seeing me around for a week or so, greet me with
relief and joy, thrilled to learn I have not yet departed.
Most tell me I am simply not allowed to return home for a few more
years.
Most surprising, however, is the huge number of people bringing up
a topic previously ignored within my home community: my marital status.
I noted in Love and Marriage that the guys in my village were
well prepared for my arrival, the chief making it clear that I was not to be
pursued. Similarly, when I first arrived, women would ask about a husband or
children in American and then drop the subject when learning I have
neither.
Now, however, my marital status is a hot topic. Everyone wants me
to marry. The women I work with insist I need to marry and stay in our
community. Uncles, mothers, and grandparents of male friends offer to talk to
my family in America to negotiate my bride price, as that is the responsibility
of the family here in Lesotho.
The other day, a man who regularly tells my brother that his in
love with me—which has turned into quite the joke between them as Abuti Thabo
heckles him whenever we cross his path—asked me if my husband had visited that
morning. Although I understood his Sesotho, I was so confused I made him repeat
himself, twice.
Apparently, the male driver of the Peace Corps car that had
visited that morning is, or should be, my husband.
I can see the growth in my cultural understanding and acceptance.
When I arrived, this focus on my husband (or lack thereof) would have
frustrated me to no end. I spent my whole first year in Lesotho collecting
stories of ridiculous pick up lines and women from outside my community
insisting I would marry their son only minutes after telling me their sons all
had wives.
When I wrote about my favorite pick up lines (See Love and
Marriage, above) from the first year, I fully intended to do a follow up a year
later with more gems. Now, I cannot even remember any from the last few weeks!
It is not that men have stopped proposing, I simply stopped paying attention
when they do. Instead of fixating on how dramatically their proposals and
declarations offend my American culture, I have moved into full acceptance of
their Basotho culture. I simply laugh and joke with them before moving on to
less boring topics.
Similarly, as my community tries to marry me off before I finish
my Peace Corps service, I am able to laugh, recognizing that they are not
trying to control me or diminish my adventurous spirit. They are simply making
it clear that they love me and that I truly belong. They do not want me to
leave and the best way to keep me close is to have me settle down with a
husband and children.
So I take the compliment with joy and continue to nicely refuse
generous offers.
