One of the things I have struggled with
since we returned (now over a month ago!) from our consolidation in
South Africa has been patience. This has been an exclusively internal
struggle as outwardly I have expressed only a happy zen-like persona,
mostly because I know the struggle is exclusively my own. It also,
apparently, is a completely normal aspect of the integration phase of
being a PCV.
Right now, I have a number of
“homework” assignments from the Peace Corps office to help me get
to know my community better. Two weeks ago, I found myself expressing
frustration in my journal. I did not understand how I knew so few
people in my village, why I was having so much trouble finding the
answers to my questions about different aspects of village life, and
how I was going to “work” everyday but doing almost nothing while
there. It literally felt like nothing had happened since I visited
South Africa, like I was less a part of the community than I had been
before I left.
Over the past two weeks, I have forced
myself to become more outgoing, to speak more often and to more
people. My friends and family back home will laugh at the idea of me
having to force myself to speak more often, as I have always been
known as a chatty one, however, here I have found myself more
reticent. Living in a new culture with a new language is hard.
I regularly speak English with only
three people in my entire village: the chief, the oldest of my
brothers living at home, and my counterpart. While I love learning
and being able to speak Sesotho, it is exhausting to think so hard to
communicate effectively. As a result, I find myself doing a huge
amount of something I have always struggled with in the English
speaking world: listening.
In English, I have the ability to
multitask, being aware of multiple conversations occurring around me
at the same time, while also participating like an intelligent person
in at least one of those conversations. In Sesotho, I cannot listen
and think at the same time. In order to speak in a way people
understand, I have to think. Therefore, I mostly listen. And,
generally, I mostly understand albeit not completely.
Lately, however, I have forced myself
to ask more questions and to engage with more people. I have carried
on conversations with people while walking to and from work at both
the community building and other villages. I have been more
aggressive about asking people to help me spell their names and
taking notes during conversations, simply explaining that I have to
write things down to remember them because Sesotho is new to me. I
have learned more names in the last two weeks than the previous two
months! If you think remembering names is hard in your native tongue,
imagine learning names when they sound like nothing you have ever
heard before!
Last Friday was the mother and child
outreach clinic in a neighboring village. Although I have stopped by
clinic days the last two months, this time, I arrived and immediately
told one of the women I wanted to help. As a result, I spent the
entire morning weighing children and making notes in the medical
books. When intakes were done, I was left with nothing to do.
Uncertain and Quiet Beth reappeared briefly as I stood idly in the
shade wondering how else I could help but not seeing any of the
leadership I knew. She did not stay long, however, and I was soon
chatting away with one of the immunization nurses, learning more
about medical services throughout Butha Buthe, and promising to help
again next month.
I have been going to the local church
here for over a month now. I work to learn the songs and try to
understand bits of the messages, but a huge part of my attendance is
an attempt to be part of the community here. Most weeks, I have
walked home with either my counterpart or alone. This Sunday,
however, my counterpart was out of town. As I prepared to walk home
alone, some of the teenage girls came over and asked me to walk with
them. Despite it being out of my way, I agreed and had a lovely time
chatting with them in a mix of English and Sesotho as we strolled.
At work, I have been speaking up more
often. I have asked for specific information and the opportunity to
meet with specific members of the community. And the response has
been tremendously positive. I was really concerned about how the days
would go for most of last week and this week because my counterpart
has been out of town. I was worried that even less would get done and
that I would be biting my nails from boredom at work. Instead, I have
successfully led a meeting with some of the members of my
organization and gotten to know people much more than I had over the
previous two months.
Perhaps, having to go it alone for ten
days, with my greatest support out of town, has been the catalyst I
needed to take these steps on my own. My counterpart is a wonderful
young woman and incredibly helpful in every way. I was dreading
impending loneliness with her heading out of town. Instead, having
her gone has forced me to find connection with other people and in
other places. I have had to test my language skills and find ways to
explain myself when people do not understand.
1 comment:
Beth,
I love your blog. It sounds like God has gotten hold of you and placed you exactly where He wants you. He is stretching you beyond your comfort zone. How exciting. God is amazing and He is doing amazing things in you and through you. The scripture I hang onto everyday is, "I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength." Miss you!!
Love you bunches, Sandi Spencer
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